There's no meat in this pie...

Hmm, nearly a month since I last updated. Okay, starting at the beginning. Halloween was fun, I was pretty drunk though. Drinking Whiskey out of a stein and thought it would be a good idea to have it on the rocks. It wasn't. I saw some pretty cool costumes, some lame ones, and lots of guys as superheroes with padded muscles. Also, I somehow managed to lose my Solomons armband. This caused me a great deal of confusion as I would of had to have taken it off to lose it. Unfortunately the amount I drank meant I had little chance of figuring that mystery out. Still, a good start to the month nonetheless.

Didn't do Guy Fawkes's this year. Didn't need to, the week surrounding it the sky around my place was light up regularly. Don't really know why people waited so late for though. Sure back home we do but thats because it doesn't get dark for us until after ten. I also figured out what the UFO I saw earlier in the year was. It was a flying lantern like we sell at work. I saw lots about that week.

In biking to work I see many morons about. Mothers who have their kids strung out across the pavement, cars giving way to pedestrians in dangerous situations. Oh, and people parking across the flow of traffic. Can not believe this isn't illegal here. I see cars crossing the main road at rush hour to park on the other side. Morons. Also, Winter is showing itself. The sun stays low and it doesn't get very warm. Already wearing my ski mask, pretty soon I will be wearing my snow gloves.

This last week I did an experiment with my Skins compression top and longs. Previously I had been wearing them to the gym and when running. Very handy for keeping warm and dry. This week I wore them pretty much all the time and discovered they still smelled good. Definitely a good piece of kit. I was wearing them under my gym gear at the gym, lots of people mistaking them for tattoos. Come people, it's digicam. Who would get that as a full-body tattoo.

I am still not enjoying being poor. I haven't really been out since Halloween. Far less than I did as a teacher. And there are very few if any teaching jobs nearby which really sucks. Hopefully some people quit before Christmas. Speaking of, I am actually looking forward to Christmas like I haven't done since I was a kid. I guess it is because here it is the Christmas of TV, with the winter, the food, the decorations, etc. Hopefully I also have a bit of money then so I can enjoy it. Oh, but what is the deal with mincemeat pies? I had one the other day expecting a tasty savory treat. Oh no, these are sweet fruity things. My co-workers had a good laugh at my expense over that. What I have been enjoying recently is the Nintendo Wii. I hooked up my flatmate's' one a week or two a go. I only have Wii sports but it is still a lot of fun. Although I am not impressed when it tells me my Wii fitness age is 52. Stupid golf game.

This Friday I get to tick of another of my 100 list. Eddie Izzard live at Wembley Stadium. My seat isn't fantastic but it should still be a funny show. Going to top it off with a night out on the town. The usual game, have some drinks, meet some people, tell some stories, see what happens.

Attend the tale...

So two weeks or some ago I attended the St Albans Operatic Society's production of Sweeney Todd. Mainly because my neighbour was in it, partly because I ad not seen the film yet. To be honest, it was pretty damn good. Very well played and produced, I was pleasantly surprised by this local production.The story itself was very clever and well written too, credit to whoever did that.

I have started my new job at www.boysstuff.com. It is not very mentally stimulating but I work with amusing people and the work isn't too hard, although there are a few occasions of heavy lifting, usually delegated to me since I am the machine of the warehouse. I have also become aware of the fact that although I am not the warehouse manager, I often find myself giving orders and directions. I guess old habits die hard. I mean, commander then teacher, hard to adjust to being a drone. Still, its just until Christmas. Then hopefully I should be in a teaching post. Oh, BTW, use the code BOYSSTUFF09 to get a 10% discount at the website.

I was going to rant about Britons and their littering habits, the stupidity and obstinacy of their politicians and the flaws of people in general, but I am drunk and happy so no time for that. New stories to come including the new hollow earth expedition stories (RPG)

The Odyssey Adventure

My first experience with role playing games, more or less how it went, at least as far as I can remember. However the ending has been altered to how I wanted it to go.

DARIEN JAMES PARKER

d.o.b. 6/6/1980

Mitte, East Berlin

5 ft 8 inches, 75kg, short black hair

scars over both eyes, bionic right forearm, wolf tattoo right shoulder

Odyssey mission, 2015, 5 days out of Earth orbit, beyond the Moon.

The comms array has caught fire and nearly killed our comms officer. The chief engineer and myself went to investigate and managed to pull her from the compartment and seal it, however I did not get off unscathed. While I'm recovering from injuries sustained during the comms array incident, I might as well get down how I arrived at this point. No doubt the people back home will want to know all about us if we succeed, and if we don't. well it really won't matter anymore. Right, starting at the beginning.

My parents (a soldier & a nurse) were killed smuggling me across the Berlin wall in 1984. I lived in various orphanage's in West Berlin until 1988, then I was taken in by German mob boss and groomed to be a contact in the army as an supply officer. I attended the best schools in West Germany and excelled in science. However I disagreed with the boss and ran away to join the Luftwaffe, 31^st fighter-bomber wing in 1996 (I lied about my age to get in). I left the combat wing in 1999 after an incident involving the bombing of an unmarked aid convoy under false intelligence in Kosovo. Afterwards I became test pilot. I was captured in 2000 by the mob boss who brought me up and tortured (where I received the scars on my eyes and nearly lost my vision, but i was rescued by KSK (German special forces), 1 platoon, just in time. After recovering at the est military hospitals I Joined KSK, 5 platoon in 2000 as a sniper. I advanced rapidly in the role, despite y injuries, serving in Afghanistan from 2001-2004. In 2004 I was seconded to the Global Defense Initiative. A newly established covert, multinational group specialising in protecting Earth from space-born threats. Here I specialised in spacecraft security and vacuum-capable weapons & combat. Upon hearing about it I immediately volunteered for the Odyssey project and was accepted as security officer due to my experience in space, adaptation to isolation, and lack of family ties on Earth.

The Odyssey project is a new spaceship design specifically to head out past Mars to intercept three asteroids that are on a collision course with Earth. They have been named the Gorgon

sisters, Medusa, Stheno and Euryale. This is a truly international mission, crewed from around the world and with the fate of the Earth in our hands. Midway through training for the mission I lost my right arm at the shoulder when it got caught in one of the rotating hatches of the spine of the ship. This is the reason we now have the hatches within the spine. I briefly returned to GDI to be fitted with a bionic arm to allow me to complete the mission. This not only increases my strength but also has some special features that may come in handy.

Now there is nothing to do but wait the 3 weeks it will take to recover from my injures, exposure to a vacuum unprotected is never a good experience. Still, plenty of time to think, and right now I am thinking about the comms array. On review of the ships schematics, there is no combustible material in that compartment. This makes me think that the damage may have been caused by sabotage. But who would want to stop the Odyssey? Only 2 groups I can think of; Doomsday cults like Aum Shinrikyo who wish to destroy the world, or extreme eco-terrorist groups like the Earth Liberation Front, who figure the Earth will recover from the impact, Humans will not. It would be prudent to check the crew records for any links to organisations such as those mentioned. Also psych profiles and religious backgrounds may show something. I know this sort of thing should have been picked up before selection, but you never know, GDI can go deeper into the system than others. Another thing, I need to talk to engineering about the magneto-shield thing. I have a cunning idea if we can modify it.

Now I am no astronomer, but there is something about these asteroids that has been bugging me. Three asteroids all on basically the same trajectory. What could have caused this to happen? Even if they were originally one and broke apart due to an impact, it seems unlikely they would all be moving in the same direction.

I came out of the recuperation chamber to discover the ship in chaos. It seems the crew suspected me of being an Islamic terrorist, a corpse in an overpowered thermal camouflage suit had been shooting up the place, and one of the smaller asteroids was producing a signal identical to Cape Canaveral. Oh, and the ship went through a wormhole and suddenly we are in orbit around the asteroids. I easily managed to convince the crew I was not a terrorist, just fascinated by religion. As for the corpse, it was unidentifiable. Also, the comms specialist, who was currently in a coma, started speaking in Latin intermittently.

Given that we could not find the captain, myself, the ship geologist , and the chief engineer took the shuttle Atlantis down to the asteroid producing the signal. Upon landing we discovered a metallic looking bug about 8 feet long. The geologist called out to it in Latin. Bad idea, it immediately advanced aggressively. Luckily I had brought along the rail gun and dropped it with a shot through the head. We entered what looked like a Greek temple and went down a level to discover a huge chamber to discover a massive humanoid being with wings and extensive injuries to its abdomen chained to the ceiling. suddenly the geologist went into a trance and relayed to us that this being was the titan Prometheus. Apparently Earth was supposed to be a planet specifically for the bugs and was closer to the sun. However, the titans disrupted this by pushing a smaller planet, Theia, into the infant Earth. This pushed Earth out of its original orbit and into one better suited for mammals. However the bugs were not happy with this, which is where the asteroids come in. They are designed to push the Earth back into its original orbit. Prometheus instructed us that if we relieved his torment he would help us avoid this catastrophe. So we planted a nuke with the being and beat a hasty retreat back to the Odyssey.

We docked and rested for a spell, only to discover the captain and assistant engineer had vanished along with 4 nukes and the shuttle. The remaining crew gathered in the in the mess hall to decide what we should do. However as soon as we were all gathered something strange happened. We all started to manifest different abilities and attributes. The engineers eyes caught ablaze and he discovered he could throw fireballs, the pilot turned red and discovered he could become 4 separate entities, the geologist started to manipulate gravity and rock. As for myself, my bionic arm became liquid metal, I could turn my entire body into metal, grow to 8 feet and fly through space ridiculously fast.

Unfortunately it appeared the bugs were aware of this as a group of about 50 flew out to the ship to attack us. I managed to rip the head of one and use the two pieces to take out some more, the engineer used fireballs and the group managed to dissuade them from attacking the ship. while the attack was going on the remaining crew discovered that 3 of the missing nukes had been planted around the ship and the engines disabled. With some creative engineering and quick thinking we managed to disarm the nukes and repair the ship. We then followed the shuttles trajectory to the largest of the asteroids. The geologist created a gravity bubble and we transported down to it. Upon landing we discovered the remains of the shuttle. Well that's what we though until the shuttle stood up! It resembled a giant transformer, albeit a rather clumsy one. With the help of the others I managed to rip into its chest and threw its core into space. Turns out the core contained the assistant engineer who had the ability to control technology. He had also left an armed nuke with the shuttle which also threw into space. We attempted to infiltrate the asteroid but after killing a different species of bug they got annoyed and the magnetic shield technician teleported us out of there.

The remaining crew gathered on the bridge and we decided on a rather radical solution to the asteroid and bug problem. given our combined powers we could create a micro singularity within the asteroids for a few microseconds which should be enough to crush the asteroids. First, the geologist created a gravity well in the centre of the field. Then the magnetic shield technician reinforced this with a magnetic well. Then we dumped all the nukes and the engine cores into this and finally the engineer cast a huge fireball into the mix, igniting it all. To top it off the astrophysicist manipulated time to compress all of this energy into a micro black hole that engulfed all of the asteroids and very nearly the ship. Luckily all the bugs were destroyed and we very narrowly survived, however, without engines it would take a long time before we reach Earth again. So much for being home in time for Christmas. Still, we were now heroes, which is something to look forward to when we get out of stasis.