Bonk

What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Tiger woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards. Just something I saw on the big screen at Eddie Izzard on Friday night. Which was fantabulous by the way. So much better live with the atmosphere of the crowd. Some of the highlights I can remember:

Terms and conditions: Everyone signs them, no one has ever read them. You could be agreeing to anything.

Bonk: Scrabble, a game invented by Nazis to make fun of people with Dyslexia. Dyslexia, a word created by Nazis to make fun of people who can't spell. Bonk is Eddies suggestion for what it should be called. 'Miss, I can't do this, I have Bonk. Very well, entertain your self with the sponges'

Stone age: How did men hunt without tools? Eddie mimes a guy hunting a buffalo who trips on a stone and gets an idea. 'Hey Steve! Check this out. What? (Hits him with rock.)'

Latin: Not just a dead language, a silly one. 5 ways of saying one word. a 10 second English conversation takes 10 minutes in Latin.

Ark: Noah 'OK, 2 tigers, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 mice, 2 rats. Hey Steve, what have we got so far?' Steve 'Uh, 2 tigers.' That is why all the pictures show a lion and tiger with big grins.

Stromatolites: 2 billion years of rocks with organic content. God must have been wasted.

10 commandments: Thou shalt not covert thy neighbour's ox. Typo, should have been cover. Hey wheres my ox? and whats your duvet doing out here? Also, why 10? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you pretty much covers it. Don't kill, don't steal, it's built in.

spartan sheep: Spartan men went GRR! and women went grr! and dogs went WOOF! and cats went MIAOW! and the sheep were silent! and snuck up on wolves and shore themselves with rusty blades to show they had no fear. So the wolves stole their clothes. True story. The battle of Thermopylae was immortalised by the movie 'The good ship lollipop' Starring Shirley Temple, although most links to the battle were removed in editing.

Dark side of the moon: The Americans must have landed on the moon as the Russians were first to do everything else and wouldn't have let them get away with it. And if there was a god surely he would have done something when we got from the blue ball to the grey one. Welcome, come to the dark side of the moon, sit with Darth Vader, Pink Floyd, and the giant squid that held back the Red sea for Moses.

All much funnier in the show however.

Coming up to the end of my stint at Boysstuff, but at the moment working 7 days a week which isn't fun but should mean some decent money for Christmas. I have 2 interviews next week so fingers crossed I get a place at one of them. Also I have noticed that the English weather isn't as bad as its made out. I think the English just like complaining. Speaking of the English, I also discovered why employers here like hiring Kiwis. British work ethic is rubbish.

This is giant squid of the starship Nostromo, signing off.